Psychologists from Simon Fraser University and the University of Sussex have found that people are often hesitant to reach out to old friends, just as they are to strike up a conversation with a stranger. The researchers wanted to explore why people are more disconnected today, despite the many ways we have to communicate. They found that a majority of participants had lost touch with someone they still cared about, but many were neutral or negative about reconnecting. The fear of rejection, awkwardness, and guilt were top barriers to reaching out.
In a series of seven studies involving almost 2,500 participants, the psychologists investigated the attitudes towards reconnecting with old friends, the barriers to doing so, and whether targeted interventions could encourage people to send that first message. They found that even when participants wanted to reconnect and had all the necessary information, less than half actually sent a message. The hesitancy to reach out to an old friend was similar to the reluctance to engage with a stranger or even to pick up trash.
Participants cited concerns about their old friend’s response, awkwardness, and guilt as reasons for not reconnecting. Perceived busyness was not a significant barrier. Most participants believed there were only a few legitimate reasons to get in touch, with birthdays and shared memories topping the list as the most compelling reasons. Asking for a favor was the least likely reason to reach out to an old friend.
The psychologists tested various interventions to address the barriers to reconnecting, finding that practicing social connection with current friends by sending a message to them first was the most successful strategy, increasing reach out rates significantly. While concerns about the potential negative response to a message from an old friend were a key barrier, the intervention to address this anxiety had little effect. Drawing inspiration from previous research on talking to strangers, the researchers found that practice can lead to progress in overcoming hesitancy to reconnect.
The researchers drew on their own experience of reconnecting as old friends to conduct this study. They hope that their findings will encourage others to reach out to old friends they miss in their lives. Relationships are a crucial source of happiness and meaning, and taking the step to reconnect with old friends can lead to valuable and meaningful connections that contribute to overall wellbeing. Practicing social connection with current friends can help alleviate barriers to reaching out to reconnect with old friends, ultimately enhancing quality of life and happiness.
