Grief is a normal reaction to loss, such as the death of a loved one, and the grieving process varies for each person. The most intense period of grieving typically occurs in the first six months after a loss and can continue for up to two years. However, occasional waves of grief may persist for years or decades. Unresolved grief may occur when a person feels stuck and unable to move forward, experiencing significant emotional distress long after the normal grieving period has passed. Factors such as sudden or traumatic death, lack of social support, and preexisting mental health conditions can contribute to unresolved grief.
Therapist Andrea Dorn gives an analogy to differentiate between typical grief and unresolved grief. Typical grief is like weathering a storm on a ship, where the chaos eventually subsides, while unresolved grief feels like being trapped in the eye of the storm, unable to move forward. Unresolved grief can create a sense of loneliness and confusion, hindering a person’s ability to process and resolve their grief. Factors that may lead to unresolved grief include the circumstances of the death, the closeness to the deceased, lack of social support, and preexisting mental health conditions.
Signs of unresolved grief include persistent and intense painful emotions related to the loss, avoidance or clinging to reminders of the deceased, inaccurate or unhelpful thoughts about the death, trouble accepting the reality of the loss, and engaging in numbing behaviors such as substance abuse. Building a strong support system, allowing yourself to grieve, finding ways to honor the person you lost, taking care of your physical and emotional well-being, and seeking therapy are essential steps to move forward from unresolved grief.
Grieving is a lifelong process that is not linear, and setbacks and painful reminders are to be expected. The goal of processing grief is not to “move on” but to integrate the loss into your life in a way that allows you to move forward with peace and acceptance. Unresolved grief can prevent this forward movement, making it crucial to seek support and work through the grieving process. Grieving can be a challenging journey, but with the right support and tools, individuals can find ways to cope with their grief and gradually move towards healing and acceptance.
