Ellie Anderson, an assistant professor of philosophy at Pomona College, coined the phrase “hermeneutic labor” to describe the emotional work that goes into trying to decipher men’s often muddy communication. This work involves interpreting one’s own feelings, deciphering the other person’s feelings and intentions, and comparing both sets of feelings for conflict resolution. Hermeneutic labor is a form of emotional labor, where women often bear the burden of managing relationships and interpreting their partner’s emotions.
Women are often conditioned from a young age to engage in hermeneutic labor, especially in the context of online dating where text communication is prevalent. Therapists note that women tend to take on the role of mind reader in relationships, leading to additional stress and emotional labor. While this work can lead to stronger communication and relationships, it’s important for men to appreciate and acknowledge the effort that women put into deciphering their emotions.
Therapists suggest strategies for improving communication and reducing the burden of hermeneutic labor in relationships. They recommend asking for clarity, acknowledging and appreciating quality communication, and practicing emotional expressivity. If one partner is consistently uncommunicative, it’s essential for them to work on expressing their feelings more openly and clearly. It’s important for both partners to actively participate in improving communication to create a more balanced relationship dynamic.
Hermeneutic labor is not limited to hetero- and cisgender relationships but can also be present in other relationship dynamics. Studies have shown that emotional labor is often shouldered by women, who are expected to manage nearly everything at home and in relationships. Men can also benefit from proactive women who are skilled at interpreting their emotions and needs, but it’s crucial for this effort to be appreciated and not taken for granted.
Therapists emphasize the importance of recognizing and addressing hermeneutic labor in relationships. They highlight the need for clear communication, appreciation for emotional labor, and mutual effort in improving communication dynamics. While discussing dating experiences with friends can be lighthearted and insightful, it’s crucial for partners to communicate openly and honestly to avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary emotional labor.
Overall, the concept of hermeneutic labor sheds light on the hidden emotional work that women often perform in relationships. By understanding and addressing this labor, couples can strive for better communication, mutual appreciation, and a more balanced relationship dynamic. It’s essential for both partners to actively engage in improving communication and reducing the burden of emotional labor for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
